The Joke Thread. - Page 40

chriz00 · Oct 13, 2007, 1:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sonicadg

Two fat guys both walk into a bar and sit down.

One says "Your round"

The other says "so are you fat bast***"

Laughed my Mother Effin As* Off...

mclaren_mercedes_f1 · Oct 13, 2007, 2:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SKR34

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home now Mother of Six?"

His wife, finally fed up with her husband shouts back,

"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

LMFAO... that is hilarious... HAHA.. I can't stop laughing.

SKR34 · Oct 13, 2007, 7:08 PM

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

sonicadg · Oct 16, 2007, 2:03 PM

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

________________________________________ _________________________

Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.

"So," Peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"None. I had a perfect marriage."

"Great," says Peter. "You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"Only twice, I think," says the second guy.

"Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"12 times. Maybe 13," says the third guy.

"Okay," says Peter. "You get a rusty Ford."

Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercedes crying.

"What's wrong?"

"I just saw my wife."

"So?"

"She was riding a skateboard."

ErikRC10 · Oct 16, 2007, 9:44 PM

HAHAHAHA!!! That second one was f***ing hilarious but yet so sad.. lol

chriz00 · Oct 16, 2007, 9:51 PM

^Haha...same here...the second one was really funny.

mclaren_mercedes_f1 · Oct 16, 2007, 11:31 PM

i don't really get the second one. Anyone explain?

wesleypipes · Oct 17, 2007, 3:36 AM

^^^ The more times someone has cheated , the worse their transportation gets.

The Mercedes dude never cheated so he gets the best car , his wife , on the other hand...

Get it?

"very funny!!! very funny!!!" - The Snowman.

"I thought it was funny" - The Bandit.

sonicadg · Oct 17, 2007, 3:25 PM

Brittany was on her deathbed, with her husband Adam at her side.

She kept trying to tell him something, but he kept saying, "Shhhh, don't worry now darling, just rest."

"But honey," she whispered, "I need to make a confession before I die... I slept with your brother, your best friend, and your father."

"Don't worry about it, sweetie," replied Adam as he wiped the tears from Brittany's cheek, "I know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"

________________________________________ ________________________

mclaren_mercedes_f1 · Oct 17, 2007, 8:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wesleypipes

^^^ The more times someone has cheated , the worse their transportation gets.

The Mercedes dude never cheated so he gets the best car , his wife , on the other hand...

Get it?

"very funny!!! very funny!!!" - The Snowman.

"I thought it was funny" - The Bandit.

OHHH... thanks for clearing it up wesley.

TBR 427 · Oct 18, 2007, 3:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sonicadg

Brittany was on her deathbed, with her husband Adam at her side.

She kept trying to tell him something, but he kept saying, "Shhhh, don't worry now darling, just rest."

"But honey," she whispered, "I need to make a confession before I die... I slept with your brother, your best friend, and your father."

"Don't worry about it, sweetie," replied Adam as he wiped the tears from Brittany's cheek, "I know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"

________________________________________ ________________________

Oh SNAP!

One day, three men decide to go out camping, but since the weather is bad, they decide to give sleeping beneath the stars a miss and head for a cave.

The next morning, when they wake up, one of the men says: "I had this strange dream, I could swear someone was pulling on my d!ck"
Another man says: " Unbelieveable! I had the same dream!"

The last guy says: "Well, I dreamt I went skiing"
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
If you don't get it, act out as if you were skiing, and then look what your hands are doing.

sonicadg · Oct 18, 2007, 8:41 AM

^^that reminds me of the Movie "without a Paddle."
What happens in the cave stays in the cave.
________________________________________ ______

2 men decided to go hunting.
While out hunting the 1 of the men had a sudden heart attack.
They other guys first thought was his friend is now dead, so he dails 911

Operator "Hello"
Hunter guy" I need an Ambulance, my friends just died of a heart attack"
Operator " Ok, calm down, firstly make sure hes actually dead."
The Operator hears a gun shot.
Hunter "Now what"

ClearNumbers · Oct 18, 2007, 11:03 AM

wow. i'm slow. I'm like what does skiing have to do with it. but i got it. lol. that's gross.

frewin1987 · Oct 18, 2007, 4:32 PM

Winston is a 5-year-old Nigerian boy. Despite having AIDS and only one leg, he has to pedal 15 miles every day to fetch water.

His bike doesn't have tyres, and the working pedal is on the wrong side. Please send just £2.50 to see the video, it's funny as hell!

Haha, evil!

Koenigga · Oct 18, 2007, 5:52 PM

WARNING: this joke can scar you for the rest of your life

it is from South Park, but will NOT be aired, EVER! I think if they were to put it into a move, this joke alone would get it an NC-17 rating

REMEMBER YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/1121515128

Oct 13, 2007, 7:08 PM	#588
SKR34 Terminal Lance Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: The bush outside your house, looking through your window Posts: 4,760	A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?" The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance." __________________ Harrison Ford For President!

Oct 16, 2007, 9:51 PM	#591
chriz00 ...wait, what? Join Date: May 2006 Location: Southern California Goal: Pro Race Driver Posts: 3,955	^Haha...same here...the second one was really funny. __________________ "...you're a slave to money, then you die..." - The Verve, Bittersweet Symphony

Oct 16, 2007, 11:31 PM	#592
mclaren_mercedes_f1 VODAFONE McLAREN MERCEDES Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 12,327	i don't really get the second one. Anyone explain? __________________ He lives in Puerto Rico dude, it's not a state. - Lancer Evo Power

Oct 17, 2007, 3:36 AM	#593
wesleypipes SUPER TROOPER Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 6,877	^^^ The more times someone has cheated , the worse their transportation gets. The Mercedes dude never cheated so he gets the best car , his wife , on the other hand... Get it? "very funny!!! very funny!!!" - The Snowman. "I thought it was funny" - The Bandit. __________________ Apple users are rapists - me So apple fanboys drive CLS's? - Coop

Oct 18, 2007, 5:52 PM	#600
Koenigga Poster Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Daytona Beach FL Posts: 407	Cartman's Aristocrat Joke WARNING: this joke can scar you for the rest of your life it is from South Park, but will NOT be aired, EVER! I think if they were to put it into a move, this joke alone would get it an NC-17 rating REMEMBER YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/1121515128 __________________ (CCX + US street legal)+$600,910=time to play the lotto!

Oct 16, 2007, 2:03 PM	#589
sonicadg T1, Top Gear Track King Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Depends?????? Posts: 3,787	A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to." "Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted. "Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset." "Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?" "Under the wagon." ________________________________________ _________________________ Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter. "So," Peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?" "None. I had a perfect marriage." "Great," says Peter. "You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" "Only twice, I think," says the second guy. "Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" "12 times. Maybe 13," says the third guy. "Okay," says Peter. "You get a rusty Ford." Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercedes crying. "What's wrong?" "I just saw my wife." "So?" "She was riding a skateboard."

Oct 16, 2007, 9:44 PM	#590
ErikRC10 Poster Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Asheville, NC Posts: 472	HAHAHAHA!!! That second one was f***ing hilarious but yet so sad.. lol

Oct 17, 2007, 3:25 PM	#594
sonicadg T1, Top Gear Track King Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Depends?????? Posts: 3,787	Brittany was on her deathbed, with her husband Adam at her side. She kept trying to tell him something, but he kept saying, "Shhhh, don't worry now darling, just rest." "But honey," she whispered, "I need to make a confession before I die... I slept with your brother, your best friend, and your father." "Don't worry about it, sweetie," replied Adam as he wiped the tears from Brittany's cheek, "I know. Why do you think I poisoned you?" ________________________________________ ________________________

Oct 18, 2007, 8:41 AM	#597
sonicadg T1, Top Gear Track King Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Depends?????? Posts: 3,787	^^that reminds me of the Movie "without a Paddle." What happens in the cave stays in the cave. ________________________________________ ______ 2 men decided to go hunting. While out hunting the 1 of the men had a sudden heart attack. They other guys first thought was his friend is now dead, so he dails 911 Operator "Hello" Hunter guy" I need an Ambulance, my friends just died of a heart attack" Operator " Ok, calm down, firstly make sure hes actually dead." The Operator hears a gun shot. Hunter "Now what"

Oct 18, 2007, 11:03 AM	#598
ClearNumbers Junior Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Washington, DC Posts: 95	wow. i'm slow. I'm like what does skiing have to do with it. but i got it. lol. that's gross.

Oct 18, 2007, 4:32 PM	#599
frewin1987 Banned Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Coventry, England, UK - the home of Jaguar & the London taxi! Posts: 7,760	Winston is a 5-year-old Nigerian boy. Despite having AIDS and only one leg, he has to pedal 15 miles every day to fetch water. His bike doesn't have tyres, and the working pedal is on the wrong side. Please send just £2.50 to see the video, it's funny as hell! Haha, evil!

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