Australia for potential visitors

SubaruKid37 · Nov 16, 2009, 3:04 PM

My Dad sent this e-mail to me, I liked it so put it here.

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour

________________________________________ __________

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
________________________________________ __________

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
________________________________________ __________

Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
________________________________________ __________

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?
________________________________________ __________

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
________________________________________ __________

Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
________________________________________ _________

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
________________________________________ __________

Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
________________________________________ __________

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
________________________________________ __________

Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
________________________________________ __________

Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
________________________________________ __________

Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
________________________________________ __________

Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
________________________________________ __________

Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.
________________________________________ __________

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

frewin1987 · Nov 16, 2009, 3:10 PM

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

LMFAO.

thats the best one, ajhajhah

texlonghorn · Nov 16, 2009, 3:31 PM

This is hilarious, makes me wanna go visit.

S-Tune_S1 · Nov 16, 2009, 3:59 PM

hahaha nice stuff

Lambo4Eva · Nov 16, 2009, 4:41 PM

Lol. Yeah I read this recently.

We win!

lambo or holden · Nov 16, 2009, 5:10 PM

I've seen this a couple of times, still funny though

I only just noticed that this one is pretty contradictory
Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.

Edit: They spelt civilisation wrong.

SubaruKid37 · Nov 16, 2009, 5:16 PM

Have you never gone on a hunting expedition to catch apples, trap tomatoes and bludgeon to death some potatoes?

lambo or holden · Nov 16, 2009, 5:19 PM

Apples and tomatoes cannot be barbecued or fried (so are not part of the Australian diet) and the potatoes are brought over by the waves of Irish immigrants.

jpeters1 · Nov 16, 2009, 6:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lambo or holden

Edit: They spelt civilisation wrong.

No i dont believe they did

SubaruKid37 · Nov 16, 2009, 6:12 PM

In proper English they did. In American English they did not.

End of that conversation before it breaks out into yet ANOTHER language war.

Evo_power · Nov 16, 2009, 6:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SubaruKid37

In proper English they did. In American English they did not.

OH REALLY NOW!!! BECAUSE I'VE GOT....wait...

Quote:

Originally Posted by SubaruKid37

End of that conversation before it breaks out into yet ANOTHER language war.

...damn you and you knowing full well how we're going to respond to this.

SubaruKid37 · Nov 16, 2009, 6:36 PM

I'm smarter than I let on, honestly

Evo_power · Nov 16, 2009, 6:38 PM

Well you did come to America and buy a Mustang, so you're smarter than 99.999 percent of the people around you.

SubaruKid37 · Nov 16, 2009, 6:43 PM

And the first opportunity I can leave this island and go live out there i'll take it, but this thread is about Australia, not england or America !

TBR 427 · Nov 16, 2009, 6:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SubaruKid37

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

wat

Anyway, this seems familiar. Hasn't it been posted before?

Nov 16, 2009, 3:04 PM	#1
SubaruKid37 UK Mustang V8 owner Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Surrey, UK Posts: 8,087	Australia for potential visitors My Dad sent this e-mail to me, I liked it so put it here. These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour ________________________________________ __________ Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. ________________________________________ __________ Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA ) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. ________________________________________ __________ Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. ________________________________________ __________ Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK) A: What did your last slave die of? ________________________________________ __________ Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA ) A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. ________________________________________ __________ Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA ) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. ________________________________________ _________ Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK ) A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do... ________________________________________ __________ Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA ) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. ________________________________________ __________ Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK ) A: You are a British politician, right? ________________________________________ __________ Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany ) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. ________________________________________ __________ Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA ) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. ________________________________________ __________ Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA ) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. ________________________________________ __________ Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. ________________________________________ __________ Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France ) A: Only at Christmas. ________________________________________ __________ Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA ) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first __________________ Subaru Impreza Ford Mustang GT Tickford Racing Puma Westfield 1800

Nov 16, 2009, 3:10 PM	#2
frewin1987 Jag/Aston lover TID! Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Coventry, England, UK - the home of Jaguar & the London taxi! Posts: 7,701	Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA ) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first LMFAO. thats the best one, ajhajhah __________________ 'If you judge video games like this, how are you ever going to find a woman?' - texlonghorn

Nov 16, 2009, 3:31 PM	#3
texlonghorn NOT made in China Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Central Virginia Displacement: Yes please Posts: 3,542	This is hilarious, makes me wanna go visit. __________________ Clutch, your pen fifteen references seem to be increasing. Everything ok at home? - Wes

Nov 16, 2009, 3:59 PM	#4
S-Tune_S1 P O R S C H E Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Sultanate of Oman Posts: 8,813	hahaha nice stuff __________________ 2007 Audi S8 2009 Toyota Landcruiser SWB 2007 BMW Z4 M Coupe

Nov 16, 2009, 4:41 PM	#5
Lambo4Eva Daffodil luva! Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: AUSSIE!!!!!!! Posts: 1,582	Lol. Yeah I read this recently. We win! __________________ You are the weakest link. Goodbye. ~ Rav.

Nov 16, 2009, 5:10 PM	#6
lambo or holden SCF Addict Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Zurich Switzerland but I'm from Australia Posts: 8,302	I've seen this a couple of times, still funny though I only just noticed that this one is pretty contradictory Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany ) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Edit: They spelt civilisation wrong. __________________ watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNZE2kYytzM Last edited by lambo or holden : Nov 16, 2009 at 5:14 PM.

Nov 16, 2009, 5:16 PM	#7
SubaruKid37 UK Mustang V8 owner Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Surrey, UK Posts: 8,087	Have you never gone on a hunting expedition to catch apples, trap tomatoes and bludgeon to death some potatoes? __________________ Subaru Impreza Ford Mustang GT Tickford Racing Puma Westfield 1800

Nov 16, 2009, 5:19 PM	#8
lambo or holden SCF Addict Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Zurich Switzerland but I'm from Australia Posts: 8,302	Apples and tomatoes cannot be barbecued or fried (so are not part of the Australian diet) and the potatoes are brought over by the waves of Irish immigrants. __________________ watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNZE2kYytzM

Nov 16, 2009, 6:12 PM	#10
SubaruKid37 UK Mustang V8 owner Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Surrey, UK Posts: 8,087	In proper English they did. In American English they did not. End of that conversation before it breaks out into yet ANOTHER language war. __________________ Subaru Impreza Ford Mustang GT Tickford Racing Puma Westfield 1800

Nov 16, 2009, 6:36 PM	#12
SubaruKid37 UK Mustang V8 owner Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Surrey, UK Posts: 8,087	I'm smarter than I let on, honestly __________________ Subaru Impreza Ford Mustang GT Tickford Racing Puma Westfield 1800

Nov 16, 2009, 6:38 PM	#13
Evo_power SCF Addict Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Oregon Awesomeness: Infinite Posts: 9,737	Well you did come to America and buy a Mustang, so you're smarter than 99.999 percent of the people around you. __________________ You're a C02 emission - Vtec_Dreams

Nov 16, 2009, 6:43 PM	#14
SubaruKid37 UK Mustang V8 owner Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Surrey, UK Posts: 8,087	And the first opportunity I can leave this island and go live out there i'll take it, but this thread is about Australia, not england or America ! __________________ Subaru Impreza Ford Mustang GT Tickford Racing Puma Westfield 1800

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